im back.

yes. i'm back for blogging. it has been ice age since i stepped into my blog. i need to wipe all the spider webs. hmm.. life is pretty good. it has been ups and downs for too many times. i feel like breaking down, but i told myself not to break down so soon. because, i believe that i can see the beautiful side of my life soon. its just a matter of time. relationships? what is relationship mean to me? trust? confident? or just love? i have no idea. because i think i'm a failure in relationship. i hurt my boyfriend. and of course, he hurt me too. but i started all these. forgot about that. i will still appreciate the memories i had with him. he is letting me go and i have to learn how to let him go as well. if this continues, i think my relationship will get even more complicated.

i'm currently surviving in Perth, which is quite a sad place for me. KL or Perth. pretty much the same. i have memories in these two places. i kinda like Perth. i will come back of course. for my master studies. because i think i did not study much as i need to. nah! thats just my excuse. i just dont want to start working in corporate. maybe for half a year? and i will plan to continue my studies. friendship? kinda meaningless for me already. betraying each other is like so wrong for me. true friends exist? i believe it exists. its just the matter of time again. friends come and go easily. i believe that. i have a very best friend. but she has her busy time, her own family to care for. so i would rather not to say anything to her because i do not want her to worry about me. i'll be back blogging from now on. finals are here very soon. i do not even feel that finals are here. i need to focus on my studies from now on. no more yadda yadda! :) good luck to myself.

dilemma

i'm seriously sad now. i have never been this sad before. i'm in dilemma. i dont know whether what i did is right or wrong. will i regret later? i really dont know.. i was pretending that i'm so keen with my decision but in fact i'm not.. i'm sad.. disappointed with myself.. what is actually love mean to me and him? :(

aaron c.

this post is dedicated to my dearest baby aaron c. ♥

yeah.. i'm writing this when u are sleeping like a baby, snoring like a baby pig..

before u slept, we were cuddling happily just now, joked and laughed like no one business, didnt even bother that we might woke my parents up.. until we mentioned about when will i be coming back from Perth.. you started to be emotional, maybe add a lil angry and of course, sadness.. i'm totally understand, totally know what is in your mind, baby because i feel the same too almost every night :(

let me start with this, maybe by how we knew each other and met each other?

somewhere in June 2007, Nat introduced u to me in the internet and i got to know u. initially, u didnt feel like want to talk to me at all.. perhaps just thinking that i'm a playgirl that time by simply adding u in friendster and talked to u in msn? i was a total stranger to u at that time. but after awhile, u were fine talking to me, almost everyday.. i missed talking to u and i was always the one who nudge u and said hello to u :) things changed until u met me and Nat.. our first movie was The Mummy 3? or maybe u take that Ah Long Pte Ltd as our first movie? LOL.. we got closer after that and u tricked me by asking me to be ur fake gf.. as if so huh? ya, i was kinda stupid, i got tricked by him and we went to Rainforest Pavillion for dinner with your friends. at that night, we got together and it was so darn random baby.. at that time i was doubting whether i made the right decision. yeah.. its on 23rd of August 2007, the date that we clarified ourselves as couple :) remember our first kiss in Putrajaya? on 31st of August, watching fireworks. aww.. u and i know what happened on that day :)

however, eversince we got together, i didnt give u a very good start for your first ever relationship in your life. i admit that i hurt u a lot and u were treating me so well. i got touched when u were asking me back, lied to me that u were at home, in fact u were stalking at me outside my house when i was studying in my study room.. it was raining, and to enable u to watch me clearer, u were standing in the rain, u hoped that u can climb over the fence to see me but u cant. i texted u to go home but u resisted. i cried and we patched back. but i always compromised and broke your heart unintentionally until i promised to myself and u that i will never break your heart again and treat u better, and i think i made it. partially? somehow, baby, i'm really sorry for what i did last time.

things changed after my serious promise to u and i tried my best to be ur sweetest gf and also i hope that i will be your first and last gf. we celebrated our birthdays, valentines, chinese new year, christmas, new year and bla together even though our celebrations are quite simple and very very normal, its like normal days for us. i remembered my first birthday celebration with u was in Genting, had our breakfast in Old Town. i knew u tried your best to bring me somewhere special, even advanced your salary to bring me there to celebrate my birthday, being so considerate to me on that day even though u were still dont really know how to be romantic.. but baby, i was happy that day! really happy! :) but we didnt really celebrate our christmas and new year, rite? but we still had fun together though we were bored at that time. both of us hate packed and stuffy places. we prefer more free and more oxygen place perhaps? at that time, i was totally understand your financial status and your job, visiting u in your working place already became my routine, packing food to u as i know there's not much choice for u to eat at Putrajaya Alamanda. u have to work during Chinese New Year and ended up, we celebrated together at your handphone shop. when i thought of it, i felt funny and humorous. but i enjoyed being with u all the time, i dont mind u lack of time for me, didnt buy things for me, but i feel contented having u by my side. i would rather spending time with u watching our dvds with snacks on our hands on the bed, laughing together without spending loads of money bringing me to fine dining, buy me branded stuffs. because you are my most priceless thing i ever had in my life and i dont even want to lose u :)

maybe i didnt really celebrate your birthday in 2009 well, but somehow i made it along with your friends in Neway after u finished your work. we did a lil hang out, bought u a top because i was kinda broke at that time, and i think you would probably know why i was so broke. hahaha. baby, i was so missing u when i was away to Thailand with my mom for only few days. cant even contact u because of my international roaming problem, my hp almost finished battery and i was finally bought a spare one in Ipoh just to call u! u scolded me because i bought an expensive battery where it was not a genuine one. but u appreciated me for calling u because u missed me till u barely to breath rite? :P

how we celebrated our first anniversary? honestly, i admit that i forgot a lil but i remembered that i sacrified a job because of u, and i wanna celebrate the special day with u. we hanged out in Pavillion as usual, no arguments and just pampering ourselves. :)

baby, even though we did argue alot in 2009, on and off for several times, and God knows how many times, but we got to know how much we appreciate each other, how much we love each other and how much we want to change for each other. and baby, i'm totally appreciate on the effort u are taking now to change yourself for me. even though i know u are having hard times in changing also because of my temper and attitude. i promise that i will change, i just need time like u do aint it?

on my birthday in 2009, u wished to have a special celebration with me but due to your financial problem and family problem, we cant have it but we had our simple celebration in Mid Valley and Pavillion. i remembered that u bought me a big cup of ice cream from baskin robbin and i had to force myself to eat everything up because i dont want to waste. yet, i still had a great celebration with u even though we didnt really go anywhere for the eve and birthday. i dont mind what my friends think about me and u, but i mind on how i think about u. u are just great for me :)

talking about my christmas eve, should i say my worst christmas eve? i wouldnt want to mention about it because i almost forgot everything about it. because i just want to keep happy memories with u, let sad memories to be our past and experiences. rite? at least me made something out on christmas in Neway again.. LOL.. its still a celebration rite? minus nagging from ur dad.

our new year eve, sudden thoughts from me to have a steamboat at my house while my parents went for Sunway annual ball. we made it though even though not many people having steamboat with us. after steamboat, u fetched me everywhere to assure me that i'll be able to watch fireworks! even though we couldnt really got to see fireworks, i appreciate your effort! i just love u so much baby!

and today 4th of January, 5.06am, i told myself that i want to be a real good gf for u because i want u to marry me. i want to assure u that i can be your wife. i will learn everything just for u and of course change myself. i want to motivate u in your job, support u and listen to u whenever u feel stressful on your job. i will pray hard for u and i believe that u would succeed soon because u have been putting hard works and effort to give me a better future.. i realized u are just so important to me and i wish i can own u forever till my last breath. i love you, aaron cheong wy lun. ◕‿◕

baby, i really hope that u will trust me, will support me in everything i do, because what i do, there'll surely a reason behind. of course if can i dont want to leave u because i know on the day i leave, u're the person that i dont want to leave the most apart from my family. but i can promise u that i will fulfill your wish whenever i can. this is my promise to u. i hope u will feel better and i really wish to spend my precious time together before we cant spend our time together like me used to. i just want to fully utilize my time with u and of course my family too. i know and i'm very sure that i will miss u like heaven when i'm there because i've tried it when i was in oversea, or u were in outstation. seriously it pains and it does hurt. i dont want u to get hurt or sad either. i just want u to be happy, both of us to be happy. i hope for your call after u read this post. i love you.

p/s: baby, i might missed out something in this post because there's so many things about us to write in here. but i kept everything about us in my heart, locked and u are the only one have the key and pass to read it. :) imissyou

sayonara 2009!

2009 is gonna end and time flies really fast just like a blink of eye, wooosh! its 2010 already! didnt really do anything for 2009, but somehow, i still love 2009 because of him.. minus all the arguments, all the dissatisfaction, some stupid accidents and bla.. i guess 2009 is kinda great for him too because he is able to achieve his dream car by the end of this year.. and me? i have achieve some of my wish list items!!! but the others that i havent achieved yet, i will make sure that i get it before i fly to Perth, Australia! ready for new resolutions for 2010??? just get ready and approach to a new year with brand new you! :)

Happy New Year everyone!

for you...

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can
Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can
Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you

i love you

superwoman.

things changed and i have to accept it and move on with life! do something without regret and live like u gonna die tomorrow! hope for rainbow now, flush away all the sadness! i know i can do it. i just have to accept and move on! thats all..

hope for the best for my finals now.

i just want to succeed at least on one thing in my life.

which is my studies.

nothing else. i dont dare to hope for anything else anymore.

despite of that,

dont put high expectation on something that may not belong to or according to what you expected.

things always go the other way round..

what should i say is to feel contented with what i have now.

good night peeps.

emo

a love for you.

its been decades since i last updated my blog.. guess the posts that i wish to post already piled up like a mountain and i have no idea where to start.. well.. not today to start with a nice post.. its just a random post telling u people that i'm so freaking busy for my final exams! but the thing is, my study week is not productive for me at all! busy with my dad's office stuff and studies.. i'm so tired at night already everyday and always ended up on my bed till the next morning.. i asked myself whether will flung my paper this time? no more good results like last semester? gosh.. i'm so stressful!!!!! yet my mind still can plan what i wanna do after final exam now.. not my studies first.. so distracting.. i realized auditing is real tough.. i have problem remembering all the standards and theories.. can someone save me from sinking???? and finance is another one.. driving me crazyyyyyyyyy! HELLLPPPP!

i miss u baby :( this is so randomm.. hahaha.. mwahhh!